Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
