this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just want to make out with him forever
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
