I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
