I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
