I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
