I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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