You smell like a Billy Joel song
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Four minutes until I can fart!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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