I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
