At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
