i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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