Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
