No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
