Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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