Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
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