I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize