Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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