i just wanna soil my oats bro
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
