dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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