So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
