elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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