Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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