my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
