ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
