all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
