im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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