No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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