If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
