so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
