my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Sext me about skeletons
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
