i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
