; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
