i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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