that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It's official drugs can't kill me
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Randomize
