My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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