some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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