i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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