nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize
