The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
