your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
