ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
