do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
