Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Randomize