Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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