Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
