Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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