I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
