i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
