proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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