I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
