Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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