legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize