Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
