I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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