Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
