apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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