I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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