You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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