I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i drank out of a bidet.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
