Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
