please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
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