i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We talked him into tasing himself.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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