No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I hope mine doesn't look like that
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
