Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Randomize
