shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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