I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
