I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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