You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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