Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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