If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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