I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
