You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
