hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
