Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
